Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Lot to Ask For

    Regularity has never been something that I liked. I'm not on a regular sleeping schedule. I don't listen to regular music. I don't like regular movies. I don't do things regularly though I should (exercising). So it's hard to imagine a life where I go in to work day after day doing the same inane tasks over and over again. I don't like it. I like the promise of not knowing what I'll do for a whole day. Maybe I'll wake up and head to the park. Maybe I'll sit in front of my computer and write all day. Maybe I'll watch a few movies with a couple of friends. Maybe I'll audition for something today. Maybe I'll read a new book.

    I like not having something to tie me down. It's why I tell people that I don't want to have kids because having kids means that I can't do everything that I want to do when I want to do it. It's selfish but it's my right. In high school, going to school every day was the only thing I knew. Band kept things from getting too boring. We were always learning new songs and I was always learning to use new instruments. Then I discovered theater and things really got interesting. I was someone else every day. And even though at the end of that day I'd go home and just be me I knew that at least I could come back the next day and be a better someone else.

    Growing up is hard. I don't like that I have to get a job. I want to move to Austin when the time is right and I need money to do so. But if I get a job to get said money I won't be able to go see my mom whenever I want to (even though, technically, I can't go without money to do so) or help my brother pick up my nephew and sis Kourtney over in Florida this summer.

    I hate the restrictions though I know it's something I have to deal with.

    I don't want to be rich (though it wouldn't hurt). I don't want to be famous. I just want to love what I do and have the liberty of choosing when or when I don't do things.

    But that's a lot to ask for.