Thursday, April 29, 2010

Too Late To Realize


    I've always lived in a world where people don't care about what's going on around them. By "around them" I mean the world, not the girl from down the street who slept with the guy from the next town over who's going out with their cousin's sister's best friend who has a kid fathered by her boyfriend's step-brother. Things happen: Hurrican Katrina, 9-11, earthquake in Haiti, possible Tsunami in Hawaii; and they could care less. Why? Because they don't have to care, according to them.

    The past couple of days I've been watching and reading posts, tweets, news articles and broadcasts about the oil spill in the gulf and almost everyone that I've seen has yet to mention anything about it. They don't discuss the news because it's not a fad yet. It took about a week before Haiti really gained any "popularity" among the general public and even then most people could only talk about some guy talking about how Haiti deserved it.

    I try to incorporate as much green as possible into my life. We only get one chance at this life and only one chance at making this place a better place not for our children, but for ourselves.

    I've been trying to make sense of this place we call home. The days are getting hotter, the winters are getting colder and harsher, the spring isn't lasting as long as it use to, and fall has almost permanently melded itself in with summer.

    I know that my writing seems erratic and it's because at this very moment I can't think straight. I'm trying to keep myself from crying because I honestly don't know any other way of letting out my frustration. This oil…all of this oil that's spilled in the Gulf, why aren't people panicking? These are OUR oceans. This is where our fish swim. I say "our" because this planet is OURS. ALL of ours. Not the U.S. Not the U.K. Not Russia or Spain or Australia or China but ALL of ours. This planet belongs to all of mankind and all we can do is destroy it.
      I honestly don't know what else to say. I want to sit quietly and glare at everyone that passes by but at the same time I want to shout out at the top of my lungs. I want to cry and I want to scream. Just this morning I read an article on the five most polluted cities and they were all in California!
    What has to happen to provoke a change?

    For those of you who live here in The RGV with me…the distance from the Louisiana Gulf shore to the oil spill is about from Edcouch to Edinburg or Mcallen. It's that close. If it was up to me I'd suggest we all use buggies, carriages, and horses to get around from now on. Hell, bikes work just as well too. Maybe even skates and roller blades. What's sad is that even with all of this in the media, from episodes of The Simpsons to real life tragedies like this Gulf spill, people continued to look the other way whether by habit or choice. The sad thing about it is that writing this blog is about as much as I can do as opposed to walking around collecting trash which I'm already scheduling to do. I don't have the money or power to make real change so I'll start with my own backyard. Maybe I'll organize a water bottle collection or water bottles and batteries…I need to do something. I can't just sit here in front of my computer and wait for the world to change.

    -StephAnnDLC-

     

The “Ma’am” Situation

    I realize that I've been out of high school for a couple of years and I'm twenty-one now instead of eighteen but why do kids have to call me Ma'am?!

    I don't feel as bad when I'm in a position of authority, like when I was a lifeguard at the public pool. It's only logical that because I have the say-so around the area that they'd call me ma'am or miss or whatever kids are using these days.

    I walked out of my house the other evening to head out with my Dad into town to pay the phone bill. I walked around to the front of my car and a few kids, probably freshmen in high school, were walking by at the same time I was heading towards my car. There was one boy who looked slightly older than the rest and he was the one that looked at me and said, "Good afternoon, uh, evening, Ma'am."

    I simply looked at him with a small smile and nodded. Then I got in my car and I started it up and pulled out. As I drove to pick my dad up, I couldn't help but think, When the hell did I become a ma'am? It's just one of those things that you begin to notice. That's because I apparently look young for my age! I'm carded everywhere I go. I buy a drink at Chili's and they card me. I can't even walk into a liquor store without the people behind the counter stopping me first and asking me for my ID. But I guess I've reached that age where I look young to older people and older to younger people.


 

-StephAnnDLC

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Friendship Lost


    I recently had a falling out with a friend and to be honest I'm not sure exactly why. I feel hurt and though the remnants of that hurt is just a small scar now that still stings on occasion when you happen to get something tangy over it…

    I've had a lot of people defend said friend. I've heard arguments left to right. "Sixty days of honey moon." "Just afraid about how you'll react or act." "Perhaps you haven't tried hard enough." But all of these just sound like excuses to me. Then there was "you did the same thing. You'd blow me off." And *Matt was right. I did push him away and make excuses and just suddenly stop talking to him and others but I was in a part of my life that may not be as dark as some other people's but it was pretty dark compared to how I usually am. I'm not the type to go binge drinking or get high. I'm the type that cuts myself off from everyone because something's happened and I honestly can't deal with anyone.

    I made that mistake and even though it's what I needed at the time, just some alone time with me, I know that I hurt people and I'm really sorry that I did.

    But even though *Matt made that argument for my other friend it doesn't even compare. I cut myself off from *Matt because I needed some space to be me. To sort things out in my life. I cut myself off from almost all of my friends because something was wrong with me. But what this other friend did was suddenly say 'Oh, I've found someone else to spend time with, bye!' And though I know being in a new relationship is all good and dandy (heck if I was in a new relationship I'd probably want to spend as much time with my new beau as possible) but does that really have to mean cutting out one person—because as far as I know I'm the only one—completely? Friendships take work. Which is why I'm trying to make it up to *Matt now. I'm only glad it wasn't too late.

    But to this friend, if this friend even cares anymore, I say this:

    Please don't come back. You fooled me once and I forgave you because I thought the friendship was worth it. I knew that if we could just get over that hump then everything would be okay. And then things went back to normal. And then you did it again. I'm not filler. I'm not someone that you can have around when you feel lonely and then ignore when you don't. You hurt me, though it might not make sense to some people. There are those who don't think you're worth or ever were worth the time. But to me you were important. There's a small hole where your presence use to be but I don't need you to fill it anymore. I'm past that. I've moved on and hopefully you never miss our friendship because I won't be here when you do. IF and when you ever regret what's happened, don't call me, don't text me, don't email me. By then I'll have figured out some way to block you out of my memory completely. But please don't get me wrong. I wish you the best. I want you to have a happy life. I want you to experience every form of happiness possible but I don't want to know about it and I don't want to go back. Forward is the only way to go.

    To those of you who defended my old friend, I did listen to what you said. I did take it in and I did consider it logically and with as much of an unbiased mind as possible. I've always been able to look at a situation from the outside in so trust me when I say that I gave this a lot of thought. Now I can finally close this chapter of my life and start fresh.

    Goodbye, old friend.






*Names have been changed for privacy of those involved.

-StephAnnDLC-

Monday, April 26, 2010

HANG UP ALREADY!!!!


    Okay, so I never thought I'd go for blogging twice in one day but something just happened that really, really, REALLY peeves me. I understand the older generation is still a bit funky on the whole cell phone thing so they do most of their calling through landlines. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. I like a good house phone as well as anyone else. But what really gets my blood boiling is when the phone keeps ringing…and ringing…and ringing and ringing and ringing! Seriously! I mean, after five rings I usually hang up. On cell phones people can press the 'ignore' button. But on landlines all you can pretty much do is sit there and wait until the phone stops ringing.

    You sit there, staring at the phone, RING!, and you stare, RING!, and you sit, RING!...It's like, "DUDE! HANG UP ALREADY! I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER!"

    People, if you're the type to let the phone ring and ring and ring, do everyone a favor and after five rings on your end, just hang up! Because honestly if the person really wanted to answer your call (this is assuming they have caller ID) then they would have picked it up around the second or third ring. Trust me, a person immediately knows whether they want to answer or not.

    Okay. That's my little rant for the day. Hopefully, the week.

-StephAnnDLC-

The Male is a Beautiful Thing



    I think it might just be the fact that I'm getting older, that I'm maturing (in ways), but the male figure seems to have been getting more and more beautiful. Not in a rated X sort of way. I know most people spend their time with their mind in the gutter. I can't remember the exact moment it happened, I know I tweeted it.

    I've always liked boys. Boys are cute. Boys are handsome. But they're just boys. There's something so appealing and irresistible about a man's silhouette. The broadness in the shoulders, the slender waist, the long legs, the strong chest, and I've also noticed that for me, a lot of the attraction comes not from what I see but from what I hear.

    I think I first discovered my affinity for the sounds of a male's deep and comforting vocal tones was when I discovered Cary Elwes. I've always been an audible person so I suppose it only makes sense that I would be most attracted to the sound, pitch, and tenor of the male voice. I don't think that I could be with someone in a long-standing fashion if I didn't enjoy the sound of their voice. If their voice didn't make me say, "Ooh, say that again!" just to hear his voice. I guess that explains the failure of my past relationships. Not to mention I was still a kid when I was in those relationships.






James McAvoy





Ewan McGregor 











Lee Pace




    Just a few more sexy men who spur me into a frenzy simply by the sound of their voice.



Edit:
    OH! And I forgot one more! Ian Somerhalder! --Oh Damon, how you've changed my bad boy streak!



-StephAnnDLC-

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Movie


    I don't have enough experience in the entertainment industry and I've recently been thinking about making a movie of my own just to get some experience, albeit amateur, experience. And since I've been enjoying so many old movies I think I'll use the same styles I've seen used in A Philadelphia Story, The Apartment, and Without Reservations.

    I'll probably start working on a script soon but I'm still not sure what the storyline should be. It'll be a short film though I'm not sure who's going to help me film it. I'll need someone with vision and someone who preferably kind of knows what they're doing. In my friends I know I've got actors, along with myself.

    But what should the storyline be…?

-StephAnnDLC-

Friday, April 23, 2010

Not one of those

    Unfortunately, I'm not exactly the type of girl who blogs often or regularly. I blog when I feel the need to and though I'm a bit nervous about putting the following out into the void, I think I need to and mostly for my family and those like me (who I know include thousands and thousands of men and women).

    I recently, after much grief over the struggle to find funding, attended my very first official audition. The experience was exciting and I knew that the chances of me getting the part I auditioned for was slim, as did every other male and female sitting with me in the waiting room. I had no representation so it's safe for you all to assume that the audition was an open casting call. I studied my lines, went in, and did my thing and I knew once I walked out of that building that no matter how well I thought I'd done that the decision ultimately lay with the people sitting behind the wooden table with their camera, scripts, and paperwork. The thing about trying to break into the entertainment industry is that each and every one of us knows that it's going to be a difficult road to travel. The chances of failing are substantial and we all take the risk in putting our lives either permanently or temporarily on hold so that we can travel the distances to make the auditions and put our hopes and dreams into the lives of complete strangers who sit there and size us up in three to ten minutes.

    "Oh, they laughed!" "They looked impressed." "I didn't have to look down at the script."

    But no matter how you thought the audition the truth is, it ends and the only thing you can do is wait. And despite yourself, despite the thoughts that enter your head, you hope. We can't help but hope. I can't help but hope. And the waiting is what kills you. And then enough time goes by that you begin to think, "They would have called me by now". And then you search the internet and you see "the results". That's when the disappointment settles in and makes itself a nice comfortable yet irritatingly festering home. You try to tell yourself that the disappointment is natural. Everyone else you saw sitting in that waiting room and hundreds, maybe thousands, more are feeling the exact same thing you are. So you try to move on and you put it behind you and you suck it up because there will be other decisions and there will inevitably one person out there that thinks you have what they want. That appeases us and so we grin and bear it because in the end it'll be worth it.

    And then I took the next step and told my mom and brother that the parts had been cast. They asked me who and I told them. And what's the first thing that my mom says?

    "Then why did they bother having an open casting call if they were just going to go around and hire from inside the industry?"

    "Because, mom, that's just the way things work. I guess they didn't find what they were looking for."

    And then she made a face and moved into the kitchen. A minute later she came back in and smiled, "Well, there'll be other auditions."

    I sat there with a controller in my hand hunting for the next Little Sister for the next thirty minutes thinking about the fact that they hadn't found what they'd been looking for. I know that the process often has represented and unrepresented actors auditioning for the same roles at the same time. Of course they're going to go with someone who's had more experience. Of course they're going to go with someone who has already proven they have what it takes to handle the job.

    There is no point I can make in this blog that would make any sense. We all feel disappointment but the entertainment industry is one of rejection and though some people won't understand it, it is something that we all have to accept. It's something that I've accepted and something that I'll have to continue dealing with. With no representation, in a part of the nation where people rarely rise to exceptional fortune, all I can do is keep trying and remind myself that I must keep my will and desire alive.


 

    Spoiler Alert! If you have not finished watching "Ugly Betty" or have missed the series finale, do not read on.

    On a less serious note—I was never a fan of "Ugly Betty". I'd never seen an episode. And then I found out that a crush of mine, Eric Mabius, had a starring role and like any other young lady with a crush, I checked the show out. I knew the show was based on the Mexican telenovela "Betty La Fea" which I'd been lucky enough to see a few episodes but as I grew older I lost interest and began to watch other shows. The new version was quirky and funny and had Marc St. James and Amanda Tanen who in my opinion are two of the most entertaining if somewhat annoying characters on Television…ever. I liked to watch them and Betty's love life quickly had me hooked.

    Unfortunately, the last episode of the series aired last week (and as an American-born Mexican-American, I'm sad to say that most shows featuring people of my color seem to get cancelled almost twice as fast as those that aren't—excluding "Pushing Daisies" and "Eli Stone" which in my opinion should have had a much longer run). The last three episodes were horribly rushed and though they made sure to tie up any major loose ends I still have to say that the show ended at such a quick pace that I was only left with a taste of the show's could-be miraculous ending. I've been waiting for Daniel (Eric Mabius) and Betty (America Ferrera) to get together. Many did not like it but personally I knew it was coming. The characters had grown so close and had learned to love each other's flaws during their growing friendship that it was only natural the relationship progress once Betty's unfortunate past suitors disappeared in the distance. Betty always brought out the best in Daniel and Daniel always made sure to tell Betty exactly what he thought when it really counted. The union and development of feelings was inevitable as most fans could see as the seasons progressed.

    In the last two episodes my pulse was racing in every facial close up that Daniel had because it was so obviously hinting at his impending emotional revelation and I'm sad to say that even though he appeared to have accepted his feelings I was very unhappy with the little and quick exploration of their forming relationship. Feelings that develop as such deserve more pomp and circumstance. The fans had been waiting for this realization for years and all we got were two lousy episodes. Where were the tension filled moments? The almost kisses? Where was the declaration of love?! It may not be realistic but it was what fans had expected (those of us hoping to see that particular relationship develop).

    Jim and Pam; Rachel and Ross; Carrie and Big; they all had their ongoing development and it's sad that Daniel and Betty were not given the same chance to make a difference in the hearts of fans everywhere. As someone who loves a love story, I'm disappointed.

    There are rumors of an Ugly Betty movie and fans everywhere from IMDB.com to abc.com have contemplated a spin-off simply called "Betty". But I can only hope that perhaps my desire to see them together will be honored in some way or another and not because it is my desire, but because it's what the characters deserve after a four year long friendship that apparently ultimately led to something much more substantial and special.

    I suppose I should be happy with then insinuations made about where their relationship was going and I'm just glad that I have an imagination powerful enough to feed what I've already seen to make my own ending…for now.


 

    -StephAnnDLC-