Who are you and what are you thinking?

    I've been trying to figure things out a lot lately. I'm the type of person that constantly adapts and more-so my way of thinking. Because of this the way I see things or understand them changes so frequently (as it pertains to me) that I can never take my own advice. My friends come to me for advice sometimes, "Well, don't dwell on it. The more you stress over it the more it's going to bother you." "Well if it's really bothering your why don't you talk to him/her about it? It's better for him/her to know what's going on in your head. He/She can't read minds." "Take a deep breath and think about what you're saying before you say it. Think about how much time you're wasting being angry and how much worse you're making it by being destructive with your prodding as opposed to being constructive by discussing the issue."

    These are things I say to those around me who find themselves lost or confused. And more times than not, they do not take my advice. They continue to stress, keep their mouths shut, and provoke and don't think about why I might have given them that specific bit of advice. Perhaps it might have helped? Either way it doesn't matter. The point of today's blog is merely the realization I've had that I have no one to do that to me. People give me advice, or think they're giving me advice, but really all they're doing is stating their opinion. I try to take my own advice but as I said before, my way of thinking changes too often. "Why did he/she say that? Don't think about it too much, Stephanie. Just accept it for what it is. The second time they proclaimed to want to do something similar was them just simply saying they wanted to do not seeking an invitation." Often times I sit for minutes at a time (because I try not to think about it) and think about the little things. Then I remind myself that the little things don't mean anything. Or do they? I honestly have no idea! How can I already be twenty-two and have no idea what I'm doing?

    I guess most people are like that at any age though. Some people go their whole lives pretending they know what they're doing, telling everyone that they know what they're doing, but deep down they're just as confused, scared, and nervous as I am. I have a few moments of clarity but they are fleeting and far between. When I try to remember this epiphany I cannot and I digress back to my confused and worried self though the outer shell of what I present may be a bit surer of herself.

    The point is, I know who I am but I do not know who you are (I spill this out into the void—"you" can be many a people) so by all means speak your mind. Tell me what you're thinking otherwise I will spend a few moments of silence in your company as I process what you've just said. Then again, you know what? Don't tell me what you're thinking! Takes the fun out of all the mystery!

It’s About More Than That

    I've realized that I do something. I have a tendency to get these big ideas (for writing) and they all revolve around "love". There are the few that don't. I realize now why the first manuscript I finished was the one for Sacred Terra. It was of course because that story, though love is in it, it's not the focus. There was something else that I wanted to say. Something that ranked itself above having a relationship. I think maybe that's why I loved The Host by Stephenie Meyer so much more than her entire Twilight series. In the end The Host stood for something other than just a relationship. It's also why I'm going to stick with my new idea. The most recent one. I've only really told one person about it. One person that's in on the details and like me this person has sat on the sidelines for most of the focus of the book. I wrote down the idea because I had a feeling. I was very attracted or attached to a person and this person and my situation with them inspired an idea however that attraction has ceased and now all I'm left with is the facts. I can see them there…not on the page yet but forming. This story is about more than love. It's about the people. So many people and so many differences and yet they're all connected in one large circle. I may come out of this hated. That's okay, I'm looking for an out anyway.

    Sometimes life gives you a lemon.