Mama?

    This blog might be somewhat depressing. I was just watching "Medium" and it was a season finale of…bizarre and strange topics as "Medium" often has. However, there was one small topic , that of the relationship between a mother and her daughter, that hit me somewhat sorely.

    My parents got divorced when I was in junior high. After the divorce was final my mom sold our house and decided to move to Victoria with her new husband. Since my dad had no house to live in, I couldn't exactly live with him so I moved in with my grandparents so that I wouldn't have to start school in a brand new town (though considering the way some relationships turned out I have to wonder what kind of "friendships" I would have made somewhere else—But I have absolutely no regrets about staying in E-E. After all, it's not every cast in Texas that makes it to State OAP). High school was a fun time for me though to be quite honest; my grandmother wasn't necessarily the best person to enforce stability into my life. I got away with sleeping in late and sometimes staying home the entire day and it wasn't necessarily something I should have been doing. I figure it was my small way of rebelling even though it wasn't much of a rebellion.

    My dad was around but not every day seeing as I didn't live with him. And after some time, the fact that my mother didn't come around as often as she said she would or called as often as she said she would began to affect me though not visibly. I never spoke about how much it bothered me. I finally spoke with my mom about it and we cried on the phone for several long hours and after that I expected things to change. But they didn't. I love my mom. She's my mom. I only get one. But sometimes I can't help but feel that I've missed out on something not having her there with me those four years of high school.

Reading Is Out of Style

    I'm sitting here watching "You've Got Mail" and thinking about the fact that children reading continues to have a downward trend. Though books like Harry Potter and the Twilight Saga has reopened the doors to reading books most kids/teens stop at these books and don't bother to open up another one. It's a shame because I can't help but think about all the adventures they're missing out on. However, though I know laziness can have a huge part in keeping kids from reading, I think that most of the fault lies with parents.

    Most busy and hard working people barely have much time to eat let alone spend hours with their kids teaching them to read. Obviously I'm thinking more about kids as young as four barely starting out with school. These are the kids that absorb the most but often absorb the wrong things. I have a cousin who was about three and already she knew her ABC's. Another cousin of mine, same age, had no idea how to recite the ABC's. The schools here aren't exactly great but they're not bad.

    I think in order to get around freely in their daily lives (parents less prepared to actually have kids are more prone to doing this) parents rely on T.V. and movies and other similar forms of entertainment to keep their kids busy. We start them out too early on Television and video games. I love video games and I love T.V. and movies but as a child I also remember constantly being with a book in my hand whether that was Dr. Seuss, Amelia Bedilia, or in my later years Harry Potter.

    There so much difference from the life I grew up with and the life that, say, my nephew is currently leading. Sattelite, Cable…I never had that. We grew up with a T.V. antennae where ten channels were all we had. The only time I really enjoyed T.V. was Saturday morning when I'd get up at seven just to sit in front of the T.V. to watch cartoons until around one o'clock when all the "adult" programs started. And any other time I watched T.V. was when I got out from school for an hour or two and most of the time it was PBS (with the exception of Sailor Moon and Gargoyles). The rest of my time was spent outside, running around, getting scars.

    I came in sweating and dirty. The only time I played video games was when I could sneak in a few minutes when my brothers were out. Then when that got boring enough (playing video games alone can be fun but only for a while) I would go outside. My brothers and I spent our time plucking the little green balls from the tree in the front yard and pelting them at each other. Those things hurt! But it's something I wouldn't trade in for anything. My nephew is five years old and still can't read. I hear my brother trying to tell him about how important reading is but even he doesn't read. I have a cousin who cringes at the thought of reading. When did it become un-cool to enhance one's vocabulary? When did using one's imagination go out of style?

    This is just my little rant. Reading isn't a fad people. It's something we'll always have to do.

Sacred Terra: Awaken the Sage

    I've written a book. A novel. A story. It's…probably crap but I like it so that's all that really matters. My friend Isabel likes it too which makes me happy. My story's about a girl who moves to a new town only to find that the friends she makes seem very familiar for people she's never met. And then she finds out that the reason they seem familiar is because she's actually some sacred being from a hidden realm here on Earth where people actually take care of the planet. Now she has to face the choice of going back and helping them fight some big evil or be selfish and stay put and watch the world slowly decay.

    It's…not your everyday story. It's got some love and action and adventure. And some friendship too.

    I think the one thing I'm worried about is making copies of the manuscript for some of my family and friends. The problem with that is wondering whether they'll actually read it. Some of these friends and family…well I guess you could say have never really taken an interest in what I can do. I mean, sure, they came to watch my plays but that's sitting in a darkened room catching a show. That's easy to do unless the shows were bad and luckily for me, they weren't. But handing someone a 170 page manuscript and expecting them to actually read it is a bit of a…risk.

    Isabel read it but because she'd been reading it since the very beginning. From the moment I first had a few pages long enough to really mean anything she read it. And she's stuck with the story and loves it apparently. She loved the un-edited version where everything was all mismatched and contradicting itself.

    I guess the only thing I can do is have faith but I'm thinking about just making two or three copies and LENDING them out. We'll see what happens. 'Til then here's a small teaser for those of you who do genuinely want to read it and who read my blog. It's not much but it's a picture which is the only one that people will see when it comes to my novel.

Walking the Synthetic Line

    No, I don't mean plastic surgery. This will not be a blog about Heidi Montag. I really don't care what some blonde does with her body. At least now I can tell my niece that Barbie really does exist.

    This blog is a bit more important that altering one's appearance. I was dreaming last night about lots of different things. And among those were AMTM's very first all plus sized models season, a mall with lots of stores I've never heard of, and one particular purse that I think was my dream purse. I made such a fuss over it in my dream. The bag was a soft pink with a very small hint of polka dots of a darker pink. There was a little bit of frill on the outer side. Needless to say the bag was girly but it all worked in such a wonderful way. It was just the right size and had just the right amount of compartments. I wanted it and I grabbed. And my dream purse was only $18! I had to get it. I remember walking right up to the counter and just as I was about to buy it I stopped and pulled the bag off of the counter and looked at the girl behind the counter and simply demanded, "What's this bag made of?"

    The last thought I remember having was, "This had better be synthetic." And other than the waking up with the realization that Ian Somerhalder is my soul mate, I knew that I needed to get this out into the void for those as uninformed as I was a while back.

     A couple of weeks ago…or…to be honest I'm not sure how long ago it was. But I made a vow to use only synthetically made products after watching a very educational short for PETA, narrated by Joaquin Phoenix. Despite his absence from the media and awkward departure from the entertainment industry, I'm happy to see him back and backing such important causes. I never liked the selling of exotic skins to make bags and such but this video of his really opened my eyes. I can only hope by talking about it here that I'll open the door for others. Maybe others will make the pledge to go synthetic: No leather, no wool, no fur. Please think about what you're really doing. I know I can't exactly go veggie at this time (let's face it, I love me a good burger!) but I can try to help as much as I can, even if it is just one less person buying.

    Anyway, Joaquin says it much better than I do. I will warn you, however, if you're susceptible to the pain of animals and are easily rattled…this video is graphic in nature and it would be best if you watched this video with a box of tissues or more environmentally favorable, a hanky.

Too Late To Realize

    I've always lived in a world where people don't care about what's going on around them. By "around them" I mean the world, not the girl from down the street who slept with the guy from the next town over who's going out with their cousin's sister's best friend who has a kid fathered by her boyfriend's step-brother. Things happen: Hurrican Katrina, 9-11, earthquake in Haiti, possible Tsunami in Hawaii; and they could care less. Why? Because they don't have to care, according to them.

    The past couple of days I've been watching and reading posts, tweets, news articles and broadcasts about the oil spill in the gulf and almost everyone that I've seen has yet to mention anything about it. They don't discuss the news because it's not a fad yet. It took about a week before Haiti really gained any "popularity" among the general public and even then most people could only talk about some guy talking about how Haiti deserved it.

    I try to incorporate as much green as possible into my life. We only get one chance at this life and only one chance at making this place a better place not for our children, but for ourselves.

    I've been trying to make sense of this place we call home. The days are getting hotter, the winters are getting colder and harsher, the spring isn't lasting as long as it use to, and fall has almost permanently melded itself in with summer.

    I know that my writing seems erratic and it's because at this very moment I can't think straight. I'm trying to keep myself from crying because I honestly don't know any other way of letting out my frustration. This oil…all of this oil that's spilled in the Gulf, why aren't people panicking? These are OUR oceans. This is where our fish swim. I say "our" because this planet is OURS. ALL of ours. Not the U.S. Not the U.K. Not Russia or Spain or Australia or China but ALL of ours. This planet belongs to all of mankind and all we can do is destroy it.
      I honestly don't know what else to say. I want to sit quietly and glare at everyone that passes by but at the same time I want to shout out at the top of my lungs. I want to cry and I want to scream. Just this morning I read an article on the five most polluted cities and they were all in California!
    What has to happen to provoke a change?

    For those of you who live here in The RGV with me…the distance from the Louisiana Gulf shore to the oil spill is about from Edcouch to Edinburg or Mcallen. It's that close. If it was up to me I'd suggest we all use buggies, carriages, and horses to get around from now on. Hell, bikes work just as well too. Maybe even skates and roller blades. What's sad is that even with all of this in the media, from episodes of The Simpsons to real life tragedies like this Gulf spill, people continued to look the other way whether by habit or choice. The sad thing about it is that writing this blog is about as much as I can do as opposed to walking around collecting trash which I'm already scheduling to do. I don't have the money or power to make real change so I'll start with my own backyard. Maybe I'll organize a water bottle collection or water bottles and batteries…I need to do something. I can't just sit here in front of my computer and wait for the world to change.

    -StephAnnDLC-

     

The “Ma’am” Situation

    I realize that I've been out of high school for a couple of years and I'm twenty-one now instead of eighteen but why do kids have to call me Ma'am?!

    I don't feel as bad when I'm in a position of authority, like when I was a lifeguard at the public pool. It's only logical that because I have the say-so around the area that they'd call me ma'am or miss or whatever kids are using these days.

    I walked out of my house the other evening to head out with my Dad into town to pay the phone bill. I walked around to the front of my car and a few kids, probably freshmen in high school, were walking by at the same time I was heading towards my car. There was one boy who looked slightly older than the rest and he was the one that looked at me and said, "Good afternoon, uh, evening, Ma'am."

    I simply looked at him with a small smile and nodded. Then I got in my car and I started it up and pulled out. As I drove to pick my dad up, I couldn't help but think, When the hell did I become a ma'am? It's just one of those things that you begin to notice. That's because I apparently look young for my age! I'm carded everywhere I go. I buy a drink at Chili's and they card me. I can't even walk into a liquor store without the people behind the counter stopping me first and asking me for my ID. But I guess I've reached that age where I look young to older people and older to younger people.

 

-StephAnnDLC

A Friendship Lost

    I recently had a falling out with a friend and to be honest I'm not sure exactly why. I feel hurt and though the remnants of that hurt is just a small scar now that still stings on occasion when you happen to get something tangy over it…

    I've had a lot of people defend said friend. I've heard arguments left to right. "Sixty days of honey moon." "Just afraid about how you'll react or act." "Perhaps you haven't tried hard enough." But all of these just sound like excuses to me. Then there was "you did the same thing. You'd blow me off." And *Matt was right. I did push him away and make excuses and just suddenly stop talking to him and others but I was in a part of my life that may not be as dark as some other people's but it was pretty dark compared to how I usually am. I'm not the type to go binge drinking or get high. I'm the type that cuts myself off from everyone because something's happened and I honestly can't deal with anyone.

    I made that mistake and even though it's what I needed at the time, just some alone time with me, I know that I hurt people and I'm really sorry that I did.

    But even though *Matt made that argument for my other friend it doesn't even compare. I cut myself off from *Matt because I needed some space to be me. To sort things out in my life. I cut myself off from almost all of my friends because something was wrong with me. But what this other friend did was suddenly say 'Oh, I've found someone else to spend time with, bye!' And though I know being in a new relationship is all good and dandy (heck if I was in a new relationship I'd probably want to spend as much time with my new beau as possible) but does that really have to mean cutting out one person—because as far as I know I'm the only one—completely? Friendships take work. Which is why I'm trying to make it up to *Matt now. I'm only glad it wasn't too late.

    But to this friend, if this friend even cares anymore, I say this:

    Please don't come back. You fooled me once and I forgave you because I thought the friendship was worth it. I knew that if we could just get over that hump then everything would be okay. And then things went back to normal. And then you did it again. I'm not filler. I'm not someone that you can have around when you feel lonely and then ignore when you don't. You hurt me, though it might not make sense to some people. There are those who don't think you're worth or ever were worth the time. But to me you were important. There's a small hole where your presence use to be but I don't need you to fill it anymore. I'm past that. I've moved on and hopefully you never miss our friendship because I won't be here when you do. IF and when you ever regret what's happened, don't call me, don't text me, don't email me. By then I'll have figured out some way to block you out of my memory completely. But please don't get me wrong. I wish you the best. I want you to have a happy life. I want you to experience every form of happiness possible but I don't want to know about it and I don't want to go back. Forward is the only way to go.

    To those of you who defended my old friend, I did listen to what you said. I did take it in and I did consider it logically and with as much of an unbiased mind as possible. I've always been able to look at a situation from the outside in so trust me when I say that I gave this a lot of thought. Now I can finally close this chapter of my life and start fresh.

    Goodbye, old friend.

*Names have been changed for privacy of those involved.

-StephAnnDLC-