One Moment…

    There has, since the beginning of the relationship, been one moment unlike any other. It's the one that people forget or honestly never get to experience because their love was either not that great or not very innocent. Most relationships now-a-days are based on four fundamental reasons that I think can be summed up pretty easily: 1.Sex 2.Money 3.Convenience and 4.Responsability. How many men have married a woman because they've impregnated her or because they assumed it was due to her? How many women have thought about the safe choice because of financial standing? The list, I'm sure, goes on. But there is that thing that happens only once in your life, a moment of pure and unrelenting bliss that shatters the very physics of reality.

    Time stops. The clock hands aren't moving! Everyone is slowly going out of focus. I can't see their faces only one face. My body feels numb but so very much alive all at once. How can my body sing this loudly when I'm not even saying a word? And there's that glow. It's as if the sun has encompassed the world in its beautiful warm rays shattering the concept of shadow as the light shines brightly, illuminating my very core.

    It's a moment that until this day has yet to end. It's a moment etched in both time and the fabric of my very being. It's in my atoms, my soul, and heart. Life has moved on but that moment is forever there reminding one of the possibilities and promises of tomorrow. In my case, it was a day that never came. Time slipped from me taking with it the possibilities and promises of tomorrow. Instead I accepted the defeat and eventual compromise. Life would and had to go on. And I, for however long as I could manage, forgot my moment. I let it slide to the back of my head. I buried it deep inside myself and shut it away thinking of it only when I had to. That moment…that torturous moment that reminds me of what I had no chance to appreciate. I've had relationships. They've been okay. One I thought was forever but I'd forgotten that moment. I'd been deceived.

    Most people would tell me I'm being over dramatic. I suppose I am. Maybe they've never had that moment or they've buried it deep within themselves and refuse to bring it out. Life will go on, I know that. And my moment will be buried deep inside again. I'll eventually forget it; accept the final defeat and compromise to live a life without that moment. Maybe that moment will come in a different form. Maybe when (IF) I see the face of my first child that moment will re-emerge, enlightening my life once again. Maybe it'll come when I see my first grandchild. I can never know.

    Perhaps with a knife hanging over my head I'm clinging to something that three days from now I won't want. Perhaps that moment is better left buried…

    But that moment. That one moment.

    The one like no other I've ever had; my first kiss didn't live up to it and by all accounts that should have been the moment to trump the previous seeing as it was much more serious…but it wasn't.

    One moment…and my life was never the same. One moment and I know I'll find myself wondering. Maybe quietly, internally, never breathing a word to another soul, but I'll wonder.