Unfortunately, I'm not exactly the type of girl who blogs often or regularly. I blog when I feel the need to and though I'm a bit nervous about putting the following out into the void, I think I need to and mostly for my family and those like me (who I know include thousands and thousands of men and women).
I recently, after much grief over the struggle to find funding, attended my very first official audition. The experience was exciting and I knew that the chances of me getting the part I auditioned for was slim, as did every other male and female sitting with me in the waiting room. I had no representation so it's safe for you all to assume that the audition was an open casting call. I studied my lines, went in, and did my thing and I knew once I walked out of that building that no matter how well I thought I'd done that the decision ultimately lay with the people sitting behind the wooden table with their camera, scripts, and paperwork. The thing about trying to break into the entertainment industry is that each and every one of us knows that it's going to be a difficult road to travel. The chances of failing are substantial and we all take the risk in putting our lives either permanently or temporarily on hold so that we can travel the distances to make the auditions and put our hopes and dreams into the lives of complete strangers who sit there and size us up in three to ten minutes.
"Oh, they laughed!" "They looked impressed." "I didn't have to look down at the script."
But no matter how you thought the audition the truth is, it ends and the only thing you can do is wait. And despite yourself, despite the thoughts that enter your head, you hope. We can't help but hope. I can't help but hope. And the waiting is what kills you. And then enough time goes by that you begin to think, "They would have called me by now". And then you search the internet and you see "the results". That's when the disappointment settles in and makes itself a nice comfortable yet irritatingly festering home. You try to tell yourself that the disappointment is natural. Everyone else you saw sitting in that waiting room and hundreds, maybe thousands, more are feeling the exact same thing you are. So you try to move on and you put it behind you and you suck it up because there will be other decisions and there will inevitably one person out there that thinks you have what they want. That appeases us and so we grin and bear it because in the end it'll be worth it.
And then I took the next step and told my mom and brother that the parts had been cast. They asked me who and I told them. And what's the first thing that my mom says?
"Then why did they bother having an open casting call if they were just going to go around and hire from inside the industry?"
"Because, mom, that's just the way things work. I guess they didn't find what they were looking for."
And then she made a face and moved into the kitchen. A minute later she came back in and smiled, "Well, there'll be other auditions."
I sat there with a controller in my hand hunting for the next Little Sister for the next thirty minutes thinking about the fact that they hadn't found what they'd been looking for. I know that the process often has represented and unrepresented actors auditioning for the same roles at the same time. Of course they're going to go with someone who's had more experience. Of course they're going to go with someone who has already proven they have what it takes to handle the job.
There is no point I can make in this blog that would make any sense. We all feel disappointment but the entertainment industry is one of rejection and though some people won't understand it, it is something that we all have to accept. It's something that I've accepted and something that I'll have to continue dealing with. With no representation, in a part of the nation where people rarely rise to exceptional fortune, all I can do is keep trying and remind myself that I must keep my will and desire alive.
Spoiler Alert! If you have not finished watching "Ugly Betty" or have missed the series finale, do not read on.
On a less serious note—I was never a fan of "Ugly Betty". I'd never seen an episode. And then I found out that a crush of mine, Eric Mabius, had a starring role and like any other young lady with a crush, I checked the show out. I knew the show was based on the Mexican telenovela "Betty La Fea" which I'd been lucky enough to see a few episodes but as I grew older I lost interest and began to watch other shows. The new version was quirky and funny and had Marc St. James and Amanda Tanen who in my opinion are two of the most entertaining if somewhat annoying characters on Television…ever. I liked to watch them and Betty's love life quickly had me hooked.
Unfortunately, the last episode of the series aired last week (and as an American-born Mexican-American, I'm sad to say that most shows featuring people of my color seem to get cancelled almost twice as fast as those that aren't—excluding "Pushing Daisies" and "Eli Stone" which in my opinion should have had a much longer run). The last three episodes were horribly rushed and though they made sure to tie up any major loose ends I still have to say that the show ended at such a quick pace that I was only left with a taste of the show's could-be miraculous ending. I've been waiting for Daniel (Eric Mabius) and Betty (America Ferrera) to get together. Many did not like it but personally I knew it was coming. The characters had grown so close and had learned to love each other's flaws during their growing friendship that it was only natural the relationship progress once Betty's unfortunate past suitors disappeared in the distance. Betty always brought out the best in Daniel and Daniel always made sure to tell Betty exactly what he thought when it really counted. The union and development of feelings was inevitable as most fans could see as the seasons progressed.
In the last two episodes my pulse was racing in every facial close up that Daniel had because it was so obviously hinting at his impending emotional revelation and I'm sad to say that even though he appeared to have accepted his feelings I was very unhappy with the little and quick exploration of their forming relationship. Feelings that develop as such deserve more pomp and circumstance. The fans had been waiting for this realization for years and all we got were two lousy episodes. Where were the tension filled moments? The almost kisses? Where was the declaration of love?! It may not be realistic but it was what fans had expected (those of us hoping to see that particular relationship develop).
Jim and Pam; Rachel and Ross; Carrie and Big; they all had their ongoing development and it's sad that Daniel and Betty were not given the same chance to make a difference in the hearts of fans everywhere. As someone who loves a love story, I'm disappointed.
There are rumors of an Ugly Betty movie and fans everywhere from IMDB.com to abc.com have contemplated a spin-off simply called "Betty". But I can only hope that perhaps my desire to see them together will be honored in some way or another and not because it is my desire, but because it's what the characters deserve after a four year long friendship that apparently ultimately led to something much more substantial and special.
I suppose I should be happy with then insinuations made about where their relationship was going and I'm just glad that I have an imagination powerful enough to feed what I've already seen to make my own ending…for now.
-StephAnnDLC-
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